


Yukiwari Zakura

by Annevis



Series: Four Seasons [4]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Barista Levi Ackerman, Bottom Levi Ackerman, CEO Erwin Smith, Character Death, Coffee Shops, M/M, Reincarnation, Top Erwin Smith, Tragedy, smut but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:22:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29420808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annevis/pseuds/Annevis
Summary: Erwin and Levi made a promise. On a whim, perhaps, but it was what keep Levi going.When the world changed and hope was no longer a mere empty word, let's find each other again.Under the haze of the falling Sakura flowers, let's call each other's name again.A story where Erwin and Levi are trying to fulfill their promise and love again, no matter how many times they were reborn.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith
Series: Four Seasons [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1545784
Comments: 13
Kudos: 66





	1. Goodbye, My Sun

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: character's deaths
> 
> But they're gonna be alive at the ending, promise.
> 
> Title 'Yukiwari Zakura' is inspired by twoframe's Taisho Era Trilogy Eruri Doujinshi. It means "the first sakura blossom of the spring."  
> (if you haven't read it, please DO SO, 100% recommend, I read it like 5 times and my heart breaks each time cri cri cri)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds. ' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone."_   
>  _\- Rose Kennedy_

It was a sunny afternoon.

Levi dozed off in his chair, the gentle breeze lulled him into a dreamless sleep. A gentle thud woke him for his nap. When he woke up from his sleep, he saw a book lying on the floor, it seemed to have fallen from the bedside table.

“Sorry,” came Erwin’s voice. “Did I wake you?”

Erwin sat on his bed, right arm gone, wrapped in bandages. It appeared to Levi he was trying to reach for the book on his right with his left arm and ended terribly. Levi was meant to keep him company, but he dozed off at one point. He picked up the book wordlessly and gave it to Erwin.

“Thank you.”

Levi stared at the bandaged arm, running his fingers tentatively with a rather doleful expression. Erwin flashed a guilty smile. 

“It seems like I won’t be able to embrace you anymore,” he joked. Levi didn’t laugh. He climbed onto the bed, took Erwin’s uninjured arm, and put it around his waist.

“You can just do it like this, idiot.”

“...You’re right,” Erwin smiled, a rather gentle one this time. He pulled Levi closer, just enough for their lips to crash into each other, and for Levi to wrap his arms around Erwin’s neck. 

It’s an ominous feeling. 

He lost an arm, but luckily he came back alive. But what is this ominous feeling that haunts Levi? _It’s just an arm,_ he told himself. _It will be okay._ Levi lost count how many times he checked Erwin’s breath during the time Erwin was unconscious. Pressing his forehead against Erwin, he gazed into those cerulean eyes, a mixed feeling of fear and relief.

“Levi,” Erwin said, “Do you know that there is a flower called Sakura, somewhere in this world?”

“Is this one of the things you read in those stupid books of yours?”

“Yes, they are very beautiful,” Erwin said, chuckling at Levi’s rather blunt remarks. “They are also called _transient beauty._ They only bloom for a short period of time in early spring.”

“Is that so…” 

“When all the titans are gone and humanity wins, let’s go see those flowers.”

Levi stared at him rather sadly. Erwin has always shown him the future he isn’t able to imagine. The future he didn’t think is possible. “Do you think we will still be alive by then?”

Erwin didn’t lose his smile, but it was his eyes that turned melancholic when he heard those words. “Who knows.” But in his next words, Levi saw a gleam of excitement, like a little boy, in his face, though Levi was sure it was a mere facade to hide the fact that he too, was scared of the future. “But if we don’t… If one of us dies, let’s find each other again in our next life. Under the blooming sakura.”

“What kind of stupid fairy tale have you been reading?”

Erwin chuckled. “Yes, I don’t know if it is true, no one knows what happens after death, after all. But Levi, if it’s true… I will find you again and love you again. I promise.”

.

.

.

_Promise._

What a cruel man he was, Levi thought. 

After showing him how warm it was to be engulfed in one’s arm, how sweet it was to fall asleep after a goodnight kiss, how fulfilling it was to be so loved… He left.

There he laid, on the dusty bed under the shy light of the dusk. Levi traced the wings of freedom that was embedded on his cape, covering his soulless face. Erwin has died-- No, Levi has let him die. No more of his warmth on their shared bed. No more of his stupid smile and endless rambling about a new book he read. No more was his lover, partner, and Commander. 

Levi had chosen his path for him. Levi had given him the privilege to leave this hell sooner than he did, at the cost of his own heart.

In his silence, he wondered if Erwin had found the freedom he sought so hard. He wondered if Erwin was able to see the Sakura he talked about in his eternal sleep. 

“Erwin,” he called, inside the room that was getting darker as the sun was leaving. “Let’s meet under the Sakura you loved so much in the next life.” He turned, leaving his regrets behind. “I promise.”

.

.

.

**1.**

Now there are no walls, no cage in which human freedom is confined. The world was wide, green fields and blue ocean spread across its surface, free for anyone to explore. But it seemed like the limitless beauty had made humans greedier more than ever.

They were at war. 

There were foreign soldiers, with their light-colored hair and eyes, a stark difference from the locals who have dark hair and eyes. Sometimes you would see the soldiers beat up locals for no particular reason. Other times, one of the revolution team members would get captured and hung in the Town Square. 

In the midst of the chaos and bloodshed, Levi sat under the sakura tree. It was the first tree that bloomed that spring, and he had come to fulfill his promise. A promise from hundreds of years ago that he wasn’t sure if it was a mere dream or a reality that was meant to be forgotten. Yet his feet took him to that place, to finally see such beauty that he had only heard the words of. 

There, he waited for his other half to fulfill his part of the promise. 

The spring breeze blew, taking away some of the pink petals and hindered Levi’s view. He blinked, once, twice. When his vision cleared, there was a figure, standing and smiling at him, that he recognized right away.

“Erwin?”

“Levi,” he spoke, a voice so familiar yet so foreign, nevertheless the voice Levi had been longing to hear. “You came.”

There were no more words exchanged, no more time wasted, Levi ran and buried his face on Erwin’s chest. Erwin wrapped his arms around him, the endearing height difference that he had missed so much made him grin to himself as he planted a kiss on the crown of Levi’s head. 

Alas, the world has placed them on opposite sides. The fluttering in his heart died down when Levi noticed the uniform Erwin was wearing. He was wearing the same uniform as those soldiers-- Those greedy foreigners that had come to take away their land and freedom.

“Erwin, you…”

“It seems not even in this life, I am spared from the blood on my hands,” he caressed Levi’s cheeks, as if asking for forgiveness. “I wished I could have lived a normal, quiet life with you, but maybe it is not our time yet.”

“We can’t be seen together.”

“Indeed.”

The two retreated to the shadows, escaping the eyes and ears of those of their enemies. Day turned into night, the warmth of their bodies and the hot breath never left their bed. Like an animal, in search of satiating its never-ending hunger, Levi wanted to savor every inch of Erwin, wanted to carve his rough kisses and husky breath into his head. For he had missed it for so long, desired for it for so long, he didn’t know how he had been holding on without Erwin by his side. But now Erwin is here, again, pinning him to the bed and marking every inch of his body. Erwin did it rather hastily, eager to be inside of Levi, and yet taking his time when he thrust into Levi, as he didn’t want their time together to end yet. With each thrust, he drew a moan from Levi, his words were jumbled, his sweat was mixed with tears, but each time he would manage to whisper words of love to Erwin, and it made Erwin feel so full, so content, and he wished time would stop. So he could hold Levi forever in his arm, watching his chest rise and fall in rhyme with his steady breath as he fell deep into sleep. 

But time goes on and morning comes, and one would speak of how foolish of the two to be so drunk in each others’ kisses that they chose to ignore the growing trepidation.

For they no longer stand on the same side but opposing ones; and the world was not as merciful. 

The next time he saw Levi was on the gallows, bleeding and broken. The soldier beside him spouted words of hatred and warnings, curses on the suppressed nation, and prideful remarks of his own. Levi could not hear him clearly. The only thing reflected in his eyes was Erwin’s face, crying and gritting his teeth, his gentle cerulean eyes were now filled with anguish. Might he be regretting their encounter? Should they have not met at all?

No, Levi thought, and he wished Erwin knew. “I never regretted meeting you Erwin,” he whispered, unsure if the other would hear him or not. “Not then. Not now. And not ever. I shall wait for you again when the Sakura blooms.”

The floor creaked open, the noose tightened, and everything went dark.

.

.

.

**2.**

It was as if the world had come to an abrupt halt. For as long as Levi could remember, the world has always been full of bloodshed, war, and pain. But there he was, sipping a cup of black tea in one of the public parks in one spring, watching as people freely passing by, talking, laughing. A world without walls, a world without war. A normal, quiet, and peaceful life that Levi never thought he could see. 

Under the falling petals of the sakura, he wondered, does the Erwin in this life finally be able to live peacefully like he wanted it to be? So many springs had passed and Levi patiently waited, visiting many parks on the day the first Sakura bloomed, in hope of meeting those cerulean eyes once again.

This time, too, he walked home in vain, feeling emptier each time. The night has fallen then, the gentle breeze of the spring has turned cold. The city was particularly merrier that day as people are welcoming the blossoms season. People are going out from their offices, and into some restaurants and bars, enjoying the company of their lovers, friends, or families. Among them, Levi walked alone. 

But then he saw him, golden hair and blue eyes, a fitting beauty under the blushing pink of the sakura. Erwin, looking exactly like how he remembered him, was standing there. His body moved before his brain could decide, like a muscle-memory, engraved within him, to run to Erwin and call his name. Levi grabbed one of his sleeves, making Erwin glanced at him, a little surprised at the sudden interactions. 

“Erwin!”

Levi had looked at him with anticipation, to see how Erwin’s lips would be pulled into a smile, to see the usual spark in his eyes whenever he looked at Levi, to hear his voice calling Levi’s name, once again. Soon that anticipation died down, replaced by the sound of his heart dropping and breaking because Erwin looked at him with such a peculiar look that Levi has never known before. Never before had he imagined Erwin would look at him the way he would look at a stranger; and how puzzled he looked when Levi called his name.

“...Who are you?”

As his clutch on Erwin’s sleeve went loose, he let his hands fall. In his head, he tried to reason with himself, just to make it less painful. 

_It’s better this way. It’s better to forget. What use would it be to keep those miserable memories?_

“...Pardon me,” Levi said, deciding to take a step back. “It seems I’ve mistaken you for someone else.

“But how do you know my name?”

Levi opened his mouth to spout some lies; but found none. Should he tell him the truth, as crazy as it sounds? You and I went back hundreds of years ago, in the first cycle, you got your arm eaten by this giant, idiot-looking creature called Titans and eventually I let you die. In the second one, we both were hung at the Town Square… No, even for Levi himself that sounded crazy, Erwin would probably call the cops on him. In the midst of his pondering, someone--- A woman, came and took Erwin’s arm.

“Honey,” her voice, sweet and gentle, matching her beautiful appearance. “Is that your acquaintance?”

“Oh, no, we just met,” Erwin said, turning around and leaving Levi frozen in place. The only time he looked back on Levi was to give a polite bow and a wordless goodbye. It was then that Levi noticed the matching ring on their fingers. The two figures walked away and had long disappeared in the crowd, but Levi still stood there, unable to pull his stares away from the shadow of his once-beloved person.

Ah, so this is how it felt to be forgotten. Levi would have gotten used to the pain, the feeling of your chest tightening and hearts breaking. But what washed over him was just the same emptiness he always felt. Like a missing piece inside you, a hole that could never be closed; forever remains a gaping wound and you would get used to the pain so much you turned numb. An eternal emptiness, an insatiable hunger, a dream never to come true. This numbness-- This life that does not feel like he is actually living, he should have gotten used to it but he never could. It still hurt. Still killing him inside.

Levi wondered which hell was worse, the one where he could see Erwin living happily but not with him on his side or the one where he could hold Erwin in his arms yet the shadow of death followed every step they took. 

Under the blushing pink of sakura and moonlighted night, where the blinding city lights painted the roads with orange and white, the smiles and laugh in the hustle and bustle of the cold city, Levi stood with the darkness only he could see. In the beautiful, beautiful place the world had become, Levi was the only one that was unable to bloom.

_If forgetting me means he could be happy then I don't mind._

He repeated the sentence as if trying to fool himself. For so many years to come, he would say those words again, whenever his chest ached or whenever he felt the sudden urge to see Erwin’s face. He whispered them to himself, convincing himself that he believed his own words. He would stay inside his home, no longer waiting for spring, no longer taking a stroll across the city, searching for parks where the sakura blooms the earliest. He would grow distant from the people he called friends. Until the only one who was still willing to go see him was Hange alone.

One day, when Hange would come knocking on his door, she would let herself in as no one came to answer. There, lying on his bed, Levi stayed still, face significantly emaciated. His hands were cold when Hange touched him, and he did not answer when she tried to call him. Levi had closed his eyes for the last time, long before Hange came, welcoming the darkness in his loneliness. 

.

.

.

**2.5**

The first time it happened was the night when Levi came back with an injured leg, the merry entourage of his squad was no more, and Levi was the only one left. Erwin had been sitting in the dim room, with only the candle to light his night, staring at his own hands with phantom blood that never seemed to wash away.

“Erwin,” a voice called. It was Levi that came to his room. His grey eyes, bearing so many words unsaid, narrowing on Erwin.

“Levi,” he tried to sound composed. “How is your leg?”

“I will be useless to you for a while,” Levi answered. “Sorry.”

Erwin smiled bitterly. “Why are you sorry? I should be thanking you. For coming back alive.” 

For a split second, Levi noticed how vulnerable Erwin was. Gone was the inspiring, strong, and brave Commander of the Scouts. In front of him, sat a man broken, with dead eyes and a mirthless smile. 

“Get your act together, Erwin,” he said firmly. “You’re our Commander. If you break, to whom shall we depend our hopes on?”

His harsh remark snapped Erwin out of his doubts. Reminding him again of his role-- His burden, and the monster he had to become. Perhaps it was for the best. “You’re right.”

And perhaps Erwin needed something-- Someone, to help him forget them. To escape the reality they were trapped in. A fleeting paradise to ease his mind of the burden, of the sins, of the blood that couldn’t be washed from his hands, of the faces of his fallen comrades that stared at him and asked; ‘Why are you the one alive and we are not?’

And perhaps Levi needed the same thing. Someone to pull him out of the darkness, to show him the path, to tell him over and over that he had made the right choice. To help erase the nightmares of soulless eyes and tore limbs of his comrades that scattered on the green, green grass under the mockingly bright blue sky.

Erwin reached out to Levi’s hands, gently, tentatively. “Levi, you… You’re the only one I can’t allow to die. You can’t. I won’t allow it. I… I need you. I need you here, Levi."

"Prove it," Levi said, leaving all rational decisions behind and giving up on his desire. "Show me how much you need me."

Erwin pulled his hands abruptly, bringing their body closer until their lips crashed. He brought his mouth down, onto the neck, the chest, the nipples, leaving traces of blooming red and purple on Levi's skin. And Levi would leave vague traces of his nail on Erwin's back as he clutched to him desperately. Begging for more pleasure, more pain. He said to Erwin to pound him senseless, harder, _deeper,_ to make him forget and fill his head with only lust. So Erwin did.

The flickering candlelight was their only witness of the two bodies enveloped each other, wrapping their arms on each other as if afraid to lose them when the morning comes. 

There would be many nights to come when Erwin sought comfort in Levi’s arms. In those nights they spent with their limbs entangled, Erwin would wake up in the dead of the night, staring at the back of Levi’s head and their intertwined fingers. Until when would he be able to hold those hands? Would the day when he had to sleep on the cold bed alone come tomorrow? Or the day after? 

When he closed his eyes, he would hear his fallen comrades whisper.

_Do you think you deserve to be happy?_

_Somewhere, someone out there is sleeping alone as you have sent their loved one to their death._

“Erwin.”

Levi’s voice would pull him out of his reverie. As if he could hear Erwin’s thoughts, he would caress Erwin’s cheeks, ever so gently with his calloused hands. Erwin loved how Levi’s usual abrasive manner would melt into a tender one and the fact that he would only show this side of him to Erwin. Then he would smile, silently telling Levi he was alright. He would hug him, wrap him in his arms, trying to escape the reality once more. 

His kind, precious Levi. The only one who would follow him without question, reminding him that he trusts his judgment even when Erwin doubts himself. He wished for a time when he could watch the sun, rising and setting, together with Levi beside him, no walls to hinder their view, without fearing the day when one of them would die. If it is not possible in this life, then he would wait for the chance to come in the next life. 

Yes, in the next life, he would find Levi again, fall in love again, hold him again, and---

_Liar._

Levi said, with swollen and red eyes from all the tears he shed, face pale and lips darkened as if he was dying.

_In the end, you chose to forget, didn't you?_

_._

_._

_._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter coming soon!


	2. Goodnight, My Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I want to drink and sing to stop feeling blue,_   
>  _But the wine is tasteless and the song has nothing new._
> 
> _My clothes feel looser with no regrets,_  
>  _Because I pine away only for special you._
> 
> \- "Butterflies in Love with Flowers" by Liu Yong

**3.**

“No!”

Erwin woke up abruptly, sweating and gasping. The white ceiling of his home, illuminated by the faint light of dawn greeted him. Beside him was the empty side of the bed. Erwin sighed. He had been dreaming about it for a while. The dream of Levi’s dying face while he cursed Erwin for forgetting him. Like a punishment, the memories followed him almost immediately after he woke up from the dream, from the moment they met in the underground until the day Erwin left him standing still in one cold spring night, his somber face getting further away and eventually disappearing from the crowd.

That’s right; it was all his fault.

In the first place, he shouldn’t have taken him to the upper ground. He shouldn’t have brought him into that hell of a life. Maybe then his friends won’t die. Maybe then he wouldn’t have become the monster the people saw him as. Maybe they wouldn’t be tormented by these damn memories that replayed over and over in Erwin’s head like a broken movie. Still, if he hadn’t done that, he would live and die without knowing the warmth that was Levi’s body against his. 

He stroked the empty side of the bed mindlessly, picturing how perfect Levi would fit there. Ever since he could remember, he had been visiting every park he knew whenever spring came. When he reached a position in which he had some authority in the company, he would order his secretary to find out which park will have the Sakura bloom the earliest, much to his secretary’s despair. He would wait for hours and come back home in vain.

What a selfish man he was. Even after knowing all the sufferings that will befall them, he told himself he would make the same choice even if he was given another chance to go back to that time. 

“I miss him,” he whispered to himself. 

.

.

.

Erwin often immersed himself in his work whenever he wanted to forget about that dream. Which occurred almost every day, so it didn’t take long before his subordinates started labeling him as a workaholic. The only one who would pull his attention out of those documents would be Mike, who called him every now and then to invite him for a drink with some close friends to remind him he had a life out of work.

Just like this time as well. 

“Erwin, it’s Christmas fucking Eve.”

“I know,” Erwin chuckled. “I just need to go over some docu-”

“Leave it,” Mike cut him off. “The guys found this new cafe to hang out at, I’ll send you the address. I’m telling everyone you’re coming, so you better get going.”

“Mike, wait-”

Mike hung up. Well, their conversation usually did end like that, Mike inviting Erwin, and Erwin refusing at first, but Mike told everyone Erwin was coming anyway so Erwin had no choice but to actually come unless he wanted to hear endless nagging from all of his friends. Erwin did feel grateful for Mike, though, if he hadn’t done that, Erwin’s life would be nothing but work, go home, eat, sleep, repeat. Besides, hanging out with everyone helped him forget about Levi even for just a fleeting moment. It seemed like his friends were spared from the torments. They were all familiar faces for Erwin, comrades who had been through hell and dedicated their lives for the same purpose. But for them, Erwin was just their college friend. 

It was Christmas Eve, after all, meeting his friends on such a joyous occasion would be nice for a change, he supposed. 

The place his friends had arranged to meet up at was a small coffee shop, a little further from his neighborhood. That night, the snow was falling, and the road was adorned sumptuously with Christmas decorations. As Erwin drove his car through the festive street lights, his mind traveled back to hundreds of years ago when he still had Levi by his side.

It was Christmas Eve and the night of Levi’s birthday. 

The Survey Corps had thrown a modest Christmas party, with what little budget they had left, and with what little survivors they had left in the team. Everyone had been eager to see Levi’s reaction when they gave him his birthday present. Well, Levi reacted the way everyone expected him to be, though, with short words and a permanent frown on his face, proving to be a disappointment for Hange and the rookies who were expecting more. 

_“What a bother,”_ Levi had sighed as soon as they retreated into their room after the party, stacking the presents he had received on the small table. _“When will I finish cleaning up all these?”_

 _“Take your time,”_ Erwin had chuckled, finding it was cute how Levi had kept his face in a scowl, yet still opened the presents so carefully and read every letter in them. _“Ah, I do have one last present to add.”_

Erwin took something out of his closet, stealing Levi’s attention as he looked at the blonde with questioning eyes. It was a white cravat, with more refined silk than Levi’s current one. Levi could tell Erwin had spent quite a fortune to purchase it just by looking at its fine material. 

_“I heard yours got a stain that was quite hard to clean during the last expedition. If it's okay you can use this new one,”_ Erwin smiled shyly, a little afraid it might not suit Levi’s taste. He had been a little anxious, for Levi didn’t say anything for a while. His stare was fixated at the cravat and Erwin could not see his expression clearly. 

_“Levi?”_

_“Idiot,”_ Levi finally said, taking both the cravat and Erwin’s hands and planting a shy peck on them. _“You know there’s no way I wouldn’t like it.”_

Erwin remembered how his words made his heart fluttered like a teenage boy, how he pulled Levi into a kiss and melted into his warmth. 

_“Happy birthday, Levi.”_

  
  


Erwin stopped his car when his GPS told him he had arrived. He let out a big sigh. Would there come a time when he wishes Levi a happy birthday again? He closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them again he was determined to not think about it at least for now. He had to meet his friends after a long time, he didn’t want to ruin the mood for them. 

His determination soon crashed, just seconds after he stepped into the cafe.

For there stood, the man he had been looking for, looking at him with those same grey eyes that he loved. And Erwin ran, unable to hold the swelling desire in him to grab Levi’s hands. 

“Levi!”

Erwin had looked at him with anticipation, to see how Levi’s eyes would spark again when he looked at Erwin, to hear his voice calling Erwin’s name, once again. Soon that anticipation died down, replaced by the sound of his heart dropping and breaking because Levi looked at him with such a peculiar look that Erwin has never known before. Never before had he imagined Levi would look at him the way he would look at a stranger; and how puzzled he looked when Erwin called his name.

“...How do you know my name?”

Slowly, Erwin let go of his hands, letting them fall limp on his side and the gleam in his eyes died down. Ah, he thought, this must be his punishment. Heaven must have wanted him to know the emptiness Levi had felt when Erwin forsook him. This… Hollowness, this gaping wound that kept on bleeding until the pain numbed all of his senses. 

“You guys know each other?” Hange was the first to break the silence, among the many baffled eyes that stared at the two. “I didn’t recall telling Levi about Erwin, though…”

“No, I believe this is the first I’ve met him,” Levi stated. “Unless… You could explain otherwise?” 

There was no lingering affection in Levi’s dull eyes, none that Erwin could see. There was no Erwin in the current Levi’s memory, he assumed. Perhaps it was for the best. Perhaps it was Levi’s wish to be freed from that hell. So he decided to play the role fate had decided for him; a stranger to Levi’s eyes. 

“My apologies, I must have mistaken you for someone else.”

“They have the same name? Huh, interesting…” Hange mumbled. Levi decided not to push further.

“Well… Take a seat,” he said before leaving Erwin to head to the counter.

Hange told him then, about Levi in the present. Levi was the owner of the small cafe that Hange frequented ever since she was reassigned at a nearby hospital. She said he was easy to talk to, despite his intimidating first impression and reticent manner. It didn’t take long until she became a regular and befriended him, discussing trivial things during her break or to kill some time after her shift ends. Erwin stole a glance at Levi, on the other side of the counter where he was seemingly busy taking care of the orders.

A smile bloomed without him himself realizing it. What a weird and at the same time, endearing view, to see Levi took a job where he would have to meet and serve many people. He wouldn’t have imagined it. Then again, Levi did say he wanted to open a tea shop back then, in one of their talks about a faraway dream when they are free from the threat of the Titans and the Survey Corps are no longer needed. At least, he finally realized his dream, though it took so long, Erwin thought to himself. 

Perhaps forgetting Erwin and everything related to that hell is indeed the right choice. If Levi could be happy without having Erwin in his life, then let it be so. Erwin would only ask to be allowed to watch him from afar, making sure Levi is alive and happy. 

That would be enough for him.

Suddenly, Levi met his eyes, and Erwin flinched. He immediately turned his head, though it wouldn’t make any difference. He was caught staring and probably smiling like an idiot. He did not dare to turn his head the second time, though he didn’t see it, he could feel Levi threw curious glares at him. 

When the snow had stopped falling and the time had become late, the lively entourage bid goodbye while wishing each other Merry Christmas. Erwin was no exception, but his steps were halted as he felt hesitant to send the night away just like that. Behind him, Levi was closing the cafe. They ended up hanging out longer than they had expected and Erwin noticed it was long past the closing time. But Levi didn’t say anything and let them have their time. 

“I, uh…” Erwin said before he could stop himself. Now that he got Levi’s attention he couldn’t turn back. “I know it passed your closing time, sorry I couldn’t ask them to leave sooner.”

“It’s no big deal,” Levi said briefly. 

“Could I offer you a ride home?”

Levi had looked at him, contemplating. But Erwin had piqued his curiosity. It was the fault of those striking blue eyes of his that had looked at him with such affections. They drew him in like he was under some sort of spell. “Alright.”

It was Levi that broke the silence in the car on their ride home.

“You knew me, didn’t you?”

Erwin turned to him, dumbfounded, but not for long. He replaced it with a sigh and a knowing smile. “You’re sharp as always.”

“Well, you were not exactly subtle about it,” Levi studied his face. “But I’m positive I haven’t met you before, though.” 

“Let’s just say I knew someone who looked like you.”

“Even the same name?”

“Even the same name.”

Levi frowned. That smile Erwin wore on his face was getting on his nerve. He knew Erwin was not telling him the whole story, yet he also knew Erwin wouldn’t tell him no matter how hard he pushed him to. It made him all the more curious. 

“What was your relationship with that ‘ _Levi’_ you knew?”

Erwin thought for a while, trying to find the correct word. He glanced at Levi, who was glaring at him with eyes full of doubts. He smiled to himself, for he had missed that endearing look. It seemed he was a fool to even try to describe them as something else. 

“Lovers.”

Erwin didn’t miss the way Levi flinched and moved his eyes away, staring at nothing in particular outside the window, just because he didn’t want Erwin to catch him blushing. “I see.”

As much as Erwin didn’t want the moment to end, they finally arrived at Levi’s home. Now Levi was standing at the front door of his apartment, losing words to say, and Erwin turning the gear in his head to say something just to make his time with Levi lasted a little longer. 

“Thanks for the ride,” Levi finally said. “Sorry for taking too much of your time, you have to drive home past midnight because of me.”

“No, it’s fine, I was the one who offered, after all,” Erwin waved his hands to emphasize how he wouldn’t mind repeating their ride home a dozen times more. Then, he noticed the time, when Levi had said it was past midnight. Checking his watch, it was true that the 24th had passed. “I guess it’s Christmas now.”

“Yeah,” Levi answered briefly. “I’m going in, then. You should head back, too, it’s late. Merry Christmas, Erwin.”

“Merry Christmas, Levi,” he replied, couldn’t help the wide smile that bloomed across his face. Despite all the doubts that ran through his head, Erwin brushed off all of his ponderings and decided to take a gamble. “...And happy birthday.”

Levi dropped his key as he flinched and lost his grip. The sound of metal clinking on the floor echoed in the empty hall in the dead of the night. “...Let me guess. That ‘Levi’ you knew also had the same birthday?”

“...Yes.”

“And you tried your luck thinking I had the same one too?”

“...Yes."

Levi glared at the blue eyes that looked back at him, unwavering. “Well, I guess you’re in luck, then.”

Erwin chuckled. “I suppose I am.”

Perhaps it was his brain playing a cruel trick on his heart, but for a moment Erwin thought Levi had wanted to say something. His lips parted, about to utter some words, but were halted in his tongue. His eyes roved as if avoiding Erwin’s. The demon inside him urged Erwin to reach out his hand, grazing them against Levi’s. _Hold him, pull him close, make him yours once again, never let go,_ the demon whispered. Erwin gulped, forcing down an uncomfortable lump in his throat that was choking him.

He held himself back.

Pulling his hands back, he flashed a smile before he turned around. “I’ll see you around, Levi.”

And Levi… Levi stood there dumbfounded. Was it disappointment he felt? Yes, he was pretty sure he heard himself thinking he didn’t want Erwin to leave things there, but the question was... Why?

.

.

.

Several days have passed. Erwin had gone to the cafe several times, driving past it, watching Levi closed the shop, and went home but never found the courage to actually see him. Yes, he was such a coward. He was too afraid of his own demon that he restrained himself from seeing Levi. If he were to look at that face again, Erwin wasn’t sure he could hold himself back. Neither had he the confidence to make Levi fall in love with him again. 

They were able to be together again solely because of the past memories they shared. Erwin had never thought how fragile it was. Now that Levi’s memories are gone, what would tie them together? What reason could Levi have to stay by his side? The normal, mundane life Levi had right now would not require him to seek comfort in Erwin’s arms. There will no longer be nights when Levi begged for him to make him forget, to wash away the guilt and burden. 

He would not stroke Erwin’s face ever so gently when he thought Erwin was asleep, just because he was afraid he could lose Erwin anytime. 

Erwin groaned. That day, as well, would end just like the days before, when he parked his car across Levi's cafe, just to wait for Levi to close the shop and he would drive back home without finding the courage to talk to him. Again. He buried his face in his arms, leaning on the steering wheel. He made up his mind to turn around and go home, after letting out a big sigh and closing his eyes for a second to cool his head. 

A knock on his car’s window delayed his action and pulled him out of his reverie. The face he saw on the window caused him to jolt on his seat. Levi was frowning at him, hands on his car’s window, knocking for the second time when Erwin took too long to roll down the window. Awkward, he feigned a smile as he rolled down his window.

“L-Levi, it’s been a while.”

“Don’t give me that shit, I know you’ve been coming here every day.”

“O-oh.”

“What are you, stalker? If you went all the way here, then at least come in and say hi.”

“Sorry, I just…” 

_I just thought I wouldn’t be able to hold myself back if I see you again,_ was what Erwin was thinking, but obviously, he couldn’t say that. 

“Whatever,” Levi sighed. “If you’re planning to come again tomorrow, then make sure you come in and buy yourself a cup of coffee instead of stalking me, you got that, idiot?”

Erwin chuckled despite the harsh remarks. It wasn’t so bad hearing such stark words from Levi. Why, it reminded him of the old days, when Levi took everyone by surprise when he spoke to Erwin in such a crude manner despite Erwin being his superior. “Okay.”

“...What’s so funny? Strange guy,” Levi murmured. “The cafe’s closed today, so just go home for now.”

“Levi.”

Erwin called, stopping Levi in his tracks. 

“Can I offer you a ride home?”

Levi had said yes because Erwin was a good friend of Hange’s, or so he convinced himself. Yes, it was just out of courtesy for his good friend and a regular at his cafe, that Levi kept finding himself unable to turn away from the strange, blonde guy. That was the first reason. The second was his own wavering heart. Inside his head, there was a voice he didn’t recognize, telling him he shouldn’t go further. Those ridiculously beautiful blue eyes shouldn't have swayed him. He shouldn’t be curious about the ‘Levi’ that Erwin had talked about so dearly. He shouldn’t want to know why Erwin had looked at him with such a fond look yet he distanced himself when Levi drew near. But his heart, his stupid, lonely heart, kept drawing him to Erwin for reasons unknown as if there was an invisible thread between them and both of them were bound to be tied together again no matter how far they tried to drift apart. 

There was more to Erwin’s story than meets the eye. Levi always felt it, just like then, when Erwin brooded over something he couldn’t understand, his eyes cast down in woe, as if hesitant to let Levi go. It was the second time Erwin had stood in front of his door, looking like he wanted to say something but forbade himself from doing so. 

“Would you listen to a selfish request of mine?” Erwin took another gamble.

“What?”

“Let me embrace you for a moment. Just a brief moment will do. It will be my first and last request, promise.”

“Why?”

Erwin smiled. “For my own selfish gain, I suppose.”

“...Fine.” A hug won’t hurt, Levi supposed.

As if afraid the fleeting moment would pass by quickly, Erwin closed the distance between them, wrapping his arms around Levi’s smaller figure, thinking how perfectly he fitted into Erwin’s arms. His fingers clenched on Levi’s shirt as he buried his head on Levi’s shoulder. Carefully, he held the man, like a fragile china doll, yet firmly he hugged him, wishing the clock would stop ticking. He really was planning to say goodbye with one last hug, he thought he would stop watching him from afar like a fool, without ever having the courage to take a step forward. It was the plan to end things right there, with only a hug. But his resolve was crushed when he felt Levi returned the hug. It has been so long since he felt Levi’s touch on him, he bet Levi wouldn’t have an ounce of an idea of how the simple gesture made him lose all of his rationality. Rather, he wished Levi would never know what a hideous, selfish man he actually was. 

His demon had taken over, he could feel it, as he lifted his head, only to press his lips against Levi’s, cupping his face eagerly. When he returned to his senses, he noticed the shock on Levi’s face, widened eyes, and blushing cheeks, and he couldn’t stop himself. Eagerly, he chased after Levi’s lips, forcing his tongue in. Levi staggered, barely managed to regain his balance when Erwin pushed him against the door. 

“Wait, not here-”

Erwin didn’t wait, it was up to Levi to find his keys and unlock the door while keeping up with Erwin’s hot breath on his lips. Levi managed to get them in, after some struggle, and slammed the door behind them. 

“Wait-”

His second plea, as well, fell on deaf ears as Erwin didn’t stop. No spot was left unmarked on Levi’s neck, collarbones, his hand sneaked beneath Levi’s shirt, stealing the warmth on his skin and tracing the curve of his body. It was not until Erwin lifted him, and put Levi down on the bed with a plop, did he pause. Caging Levi’s face between his arms, he studied Levi’s flustered face, waiting for him to tell him to stop. But the word never came.

“Why didn’t you stop me?” he spoke, voice low and desperate. “You could have stopped me. I know you have enough strength to do that. In fact, you could have easily pushed me away and punched me in the face if you wanted to. So why?” 

Levi asked himself the same question. “Did you want me to?”

The sheet beside Levi’s head wrinkled under Erwin’s tight clench. “Stop me, Levi,” he said. “Because I don’t think I can stop myself.” 

“Would you stop crying if I do?” Levi brought his hand to Erwin’s face, wiping away the tears he didn’t notice were streaming on his cheeks before they dripped onto Levi’s face. “...Or would you cry harder?” When Erwin put his hand over Levi’s, kissing the palm of Levi’s hand and gritting his teeth to hold back his own desire, Levi made up his mind. 

“Don’t stop,” he said, “I’m okay, so don’t stop.”

If he could save this man from such painful tears, then he wouldn’t mind lending his body for a brief moment, Levi thought. He didn’t know why, but he knew he had to. 

That night, Erwin threw away his sanity. The feeling of Levi’s warmth in his arms, oh how he had missed them. The little shudder on his shoulder when Erwin called his name by his ear, and the suppressed moan that escaped his lips when Erwin bit the skin of his sensitive spots. 

“Levi.”

It drove him crazy, Levi’s scent, Levi’s hands on his, Levi’s moans.

“Levi.”

The way Levi clung to his neck when he entered him, the way Levi’s back arched when he pounded into him. It was like a dream, like reliving a forsaken memory, and Erwin was afraid to open his eyes because he feared Levi would vanish the moment he did. 

“Levi.”

The marks Levi left as his nails dug on his back, the way Levi’s lips fit so perfectly against his, the way Levi’s eyes were clouded with pleasure. His heart had never felt so full, so complete as if he had found the final missing piece of the puzzle he thought he could never solve.

“I love you. I love you, _fuck,_ I love you.”

.

.

.

Levi felt as if he had woken up from such a long dream. 

He had fallen asleep with Erwin’s confession of love ringing on his head, as their sweat was mixed with cum, limbs entangled and strong arms around him. His room didn’t look like his, he wasn’t sure if he was still dreaming. A brown jacket was hung by the chair, a bolo tie with an emerald-colored stone was on top of the jacket. He didn’t recall Erwin wore that last night, nor did he recognize it as his own. Levi sat up and looked back at Erwin who was still sleeping like a routine. He asked himself again then, why it felt so natural like muscle memory, even though it was the first time Erwin slept over.

He tried to reach Erwin’s hand but he was missing an arm. Erwin _was missing_ an arm. 

How?

Why?

There, outside the window, a giant humanoid creature he recognized as a Titan was staring at them, and Erwin’s right arm was hanging by its mouth. When he looked back at Erwin, blood was gushing from his stomach and his breath was no longer there.

Levi felt like vomiting. 

He ran to the bathroom, passing by his living room. His bare feet stepped on something wet. He looked down to see his own feet were drowned in a pool of blood. In front of him stood his comrades, who gave up their lives, believing in his strength as humanity’s strongest. No sparks were left in their dull, dead eyes, blood was gushing from their mouths and their missing limbs. 

_“What use of you being humanity's strongest?”_

_“When you can save no one?”_

The memory came back like a flood, and his initial shock was replaced by a cold, stoic stare. What a horrible person he was. To survive alone in that hell and conveniently erased everything from his head for his own bliss.

“Levi?”

When he turned around, Erwin was standing at the threshold of his bedroom. He was back at his own home, where there were no Titans and his floor was no longer flooded with blood. The Erwin that stood before him had both of his arms intact, breathing, and alive. 

“...Erwin.”

At the mention of his name, Erwin flinched. It was the first time Levi called his name. Elated that Levi might finally remember him, Erwin smiled, ready to engulf Levi in his embrace once again, but was stopped when Levi continued. 

“Why did you come?”

Erwin stood frozen, as he watched Levi’s tough façade breaking before him.

“Why did you make me remember? Why did you pull me back into that hell? Tell me, Erwin…” Levi locked his eyes with Erwin’s, unable to hold back his emotions. “Was it also part of your impeccable judgment?”

One glance at Levi’s bleary eyes told Erwin he had lost the gamble. So it shall be. He had dragged Levi back into the hell he had created and he shall live the rest of his life atoning for that sin in his loneliness with a void inside him forever not to be filled.

“No, Levi. It was my own selfish desire. I’m sorry,” Erwin picked up his coat and bag that was left scattered in Levi's living room and wordlessly walked to the door. “Levi, I…” 

Erwin stopped himself when he saw Levi turn his back on him, refusing to look at him in the eye as his hands trembled in a tight clench. Shall he beg for forgiveness? Shall he kneel and beg Levi not to hate him? It will be painful, but could he stay by his side? He doesn’t need Levi to give him his heart, just let him stay by his side-- _No,_ just let him watch Levi from afar, just to make sure he is happy and alive. But will it be enough to satiate the demon inside him? 

In the end, Erwin decided to let him go. He left the house with lingering regrets and untold apologies. The snow has piled up on the road, the cold morning air felt like they penetrated him to the bone. The road was covered in pure white, the sky looked grey with a hint of morning sun behind the clouds. Erwin stared at the sun, the single light among the greyish cloud and he thought how lonely the sun must have been. Just like he was.

.

.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I say final chapter? I changed my mind lol  
> Next one will be the final chapter, promise!


	3. Stay, My Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Somewhere in this world_   
>  _If we can meet again in the future_   
>  _No matter how little_   
>  _Please don't forget about me_
> 
> _-Name Of Love by Cinema Staff_

Ever since the memories came back to him, the daily routine Levi had been living felt so foreign. Like he was trapped in someone else’s life that wasn’t meant to be his. For instance, on his way to the cafe, he always passed by this flower shop that was owned by a lovely lady. When he saw the lady again that day, her name came to his head, like a sudden flood, along with the image of her lifeless body. 

“Petra,” he said, low but loud enough for Petra to catch. She tilted her head with a curious smile, wondering when did she tell Levi her name. 

“Hello,” she replied nevertheless. Someone called from inside the shop and Petra politely bowed to Levi before going back in to continue her work. When Levi peeked in the shop, he recognized the other man as Oluo, who apparently needed help with setting up some of the flower displays. Though Petra seemed annoyed because the man could never do his job right, Levi could see the affection in her eyes. 

They look… Happy. Levi wondered if they had their memories back would they stay that way or would they fall into devastation? 

Walking further, Levi encountered the usual park in the neighborhood, where several kids would play. A few days had passed since he last saw Erwin and winter are nearing its end. Spring will soon come, this park will soon be filled with blooming flowers with their petals raining down as if dancing with the wind. A few middle-schoolers that were enjoying their last few days of winter break caught his attention. He had seen them a few times in the neighborhood but only then did their names come to his mind. 

“Eren… Armin… Mikasa,” he couldn’t remember the last time he saw them smiling so wide. Without a care in the world, running and teasing each other, they look like normal kids in their teens. If they were to remember what they have done in their past, would they still be smiling so gleefully? Perhaps they already did have their memories back but still decided to stick together and move on, trying to regain the happiness they have lost in this chance.

Like any other day, as well, he opened his small shop, and around lunchtime his friend, Hange, would make a loud entrance. Then she would blab about her research that Levi did not have the slightest idea about, but he would listen anyway just because Hange sounded very passionate about her story and he loved watching her burn with such passion when talking about something she loves. She looked like she was happy with her life and Levi liked her for that. That day, he stared at Hange longer than usual as she spoke ever so passionately about this curious disease she found in a patient. Sometimes his mind would take him back to the Hange that wears her brown, high-waist jacket, with blood trickling down from her left eyes. The image of her giving that one last silly smile before she walked on her own feet to her death was as vivid as ever. 

Then, when Hange called him, he would snap back to the present, and Hange was back wearing her white lab coat, both eyes present and no blood was staining her face.

“You seem so out of it today,” she remarked. “Did something happen with Erwin?”

Levi almost dropped the cup he was holding. “You damn four eyes, did you install a secret camera in my house?”

“A tempting idea, but no. Levi, it doesn’t take a genius to figure you two out. I mean, Erwin was practically ogling at you and I noticed on my home his car was parked across your shop these past few months. Now here you are, looking dejected and I haven’t seen Erwin’s car in the past few days. I don’t know the details, but… I know something must have happened.”

“You and your ridiculously smart brain,” Levi sighed. 

“You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to,” Hange took the cup on Levi’s hand, drawing his attention to her brown eyes. “But I just hope you know you’re doing what’s best for you.”

“...Hange,” Levi said tentatively, as Hange answered him with a smile, relieved that Levi was ready to open up. “I know this sounds crazy, but let’s say you had gone through one cycle of life before, and you gave your heart to someone. But they left you, one way or another. If you meet them again in this life, would you still want to be with them?”

“Why, yes,” Hange answered without a pause and it took Levi by surprise. “They’re someone I once loved, after all. I would probably love them too this time, so of course, I’d want to be by their side.”

“Even if one day you would be separated again?”

“Hm,” Hange rubbed her chin as she pondered. She smiled confidently, then, as she spoke, “All the more reason for me to keep them by my side before our time runs out.”

Levi locked his sight on her for a while, replaying her words and thinking how she could have said that such a careless smile. Hange and he had always been different in personalities, but perhaps that is also why Levi found an answer in Hange at times. Her gleeful face and light words made Levi think of himself as a fool. All those meaningless hesitations, countless nights when he tried to stop himself from picturing how perfect Erwin would be on the other side of his bed, and the loneliness he forced himself into just because he was afraid to take a step ahead-- A step closer to his own happiness, just because of the chains of the past memories that shackled him on the ankle and his own fear of the unknown future. He had been torn between the past and the future, but Hange was living in the present. 

“Huh,” he mumbled to himself. “I wonder why it never crosses my mind.”

“Hange!” 

Another man, who Levi recognized as Moblit, made another loud entrance to the otherwise serene space. 

“Oh, Moblit! Here, have a cup of tea, this is a new blend Levi tried-”

“Hange, give me a break, will you?” Poor guy’s face looked like he was going to collapse anytime, Levi thought. “We have a scheduled operation in ten minutes! Have you forgotten? I need you to come with me this instant! What are we going to do if the surgeon in charge isn’t present?!”

Hange had made her exit while being dragged with Moblit, while still shouting something about how Levi should update her when he finally made up his mind. A somewhat nostalgic scene, Levi smiled to himself. 

When the night fell and Levi closed the shop, he glanced across the street out of habit. It wasn’t unexpected but there was a slight disappointment when he saw the familiar car wasn’t there anymore. For the past few weeks, he felt as if he was living between illusions and reality. He was floating at the narrow space in between, trapped between the past and the present, to the point that he couldn’t tell who he really was anymore. The once humanity’s strongest soldier Levi, or the ordinary small cafe owner Levi. When he walked along the usual route he took to go home, sometimes he saw the shadow of the wall circling around the city. Trapping him and everyone in, before people started shouting and the wall fell apart. He blinked, and the wall disappeared, he found himself in the middle of the familiar city, with no walls, no Titans. When he met some familiar faces, like Hange or Moblit, or Petra, his vision would shift between them in soldier uniform and them in the present. Their face would shift from the bloodied, soulless face into their current gleeful ones. 

As Levi opened the door to his own home that now felt so cold and empty, he thought what would change if he hadn’t chased Erwin out that day.

Levi could have come home to Erwin’s face, with that stupid, handsome smile on his face. Levi imagined he would have sat on that sofa, probably going through some more documents from work, knowing how workaholic he was. Just like all those times back then. When Levi returned to their quarter, he would find Erwin still writing, reading something, even though he already looked so tired from all their work during the daytime.

_“Hey Levi, you’re done for the day?”_

_“Stop working already and come to bed.”_

_“I just need to finish this one real quick.”_

Levi prepared himself a cup of tea that he thought would ease his mind a little. He could have prepared two cups should things had been different. He turned to the table, and he would imagine Erwin sitting there, sipping the tea he had prepared, like all those years ago.

_“I always liked the tea you made.”_

_“Aren’t you just too lazy to make one yourself?”_

_“No no, yours definitely tastes better.”_

How strange, he thought, that Erwin had only been here once but it felt as if his traces were everywhere, lingering in every place, and everything Levi did would take him back to his past memories. Now that he thought about it, he could barely find anything that did not have Erwin in his memories. 

_“Levi, make sure you hand over the report tonight.”_

_“Levi, did you clean my desk again? Sorry to trouble you every time.”_

_“Levi, want to have tea before bed?”_

“...Erwin.”

_“Yes, Levi?”_

He blinked, and Erwin disappeared. The image of Erwin smiling, calling his name is now all but gone when he realized the reality he was in now did not have Erwin in it. His house, empty and cold. His bed, too wide for one. 

“Erwin.”

The silence that followed was what made him realize Erwin was no longer a part of his life. When Levi realized the tears that were streaming down his cheek, it was too late and they dripped onto the floor.

“Fuck, I miss him.”

As the word left his mouth, he questioned himself, was it him speaking or the past Levi speaking?

.

.

.

Erwin had tried to drown himself in work in hope that he could stop his mind from going to Levi. That didn’t work. He couldn’t concentrate and messed up a few things. He turned to alcohol, then. Every night, in his house that was too big for one, he sat and drank until he lost his mind. The alcohol played tricks on his mind and deceived him with shadows of Levi. His beloved, beloved Levi, he was there, just an arm away. But whenever he touched him, Levi disappeared. It was a vicious cycle. He drank to forget but the alcohol made him remember, then he found himself missing Levi more than ever. 

Days went by in a tedious stream, Erwin hadn’t noticed it was almost Spring until his secretary told him so. 

“Based on the predictions the park in this area will have the earliest bloom this year,” she reported, just as he instructed every year.

“...Oh,” Erwin flashed a bitter smile. “Thank you. You don’t have to do this next year.” 

“Sir?” his secretary raised her brows, questioning the decision. “Is it because you’ve found what you’re looking for, Sir?”

Erwin paused before answering. “No, I just decided to give up.”

He had given up, he told himself. What use would it be to keep waiting? Surely, Levi would not come even if he remembered their promise by now. The face Levi made as he turned to Erwin after he had his memories back was still vivid in Erwin’s mind. Those agonizing eyes, the pain in his voice. If he had not chased after Levi, if he had not made Levi remember, perhaps Levi would still be living his normal life, oblivious to the hell of his past. 

What a selfish man he was.

The day when the spring came, Erwin drove himself to the said park. He wavered between leaving right there and then, or would he go for the last time, wait for the last time. Parts of him were afraid that he would meet Levi there, another part of him hoping he would see Levi there even if it was for the last time. The selfish part of him won, in the end, as he walked to the park though with a grim look on his face.

He wouldn’t be here, would he? Erwin thought as he walked, already regretting his decision. Perhaps not expecting at all would hurt less. Still, he couldn’t help but deceive himself. It’s fine even if it’s an illusion. Erwin imagined how full his heart would be, how elated he would be, if only when he looked up, he were to see Levi there, on the bench, sitting under the blooming Sakura that glowed under the moonlight.

Ah, yes, just like that. There, in front of him, Levi sat just like he pictured. His dark hair, a starking contrast to the bright pink of the petals, but a complement to the moonlit night sky. How perfect, as perfect as an illusion can be.

“Hey.”

When Levi spoke and locked his eyes on him, Erwin flinched. There was no way the Levi in his illusion could talk.

“How long are you going to stand there with a stupid look on your face?”

“Levi?” He called, just making sure that he was imagining Levi’s voice. He walked closer, brushing his hand against Levi’s arms, and his illusion didn’t disappear. It wasn’t an illusion, he told himself. It was Levi, in the flesh, in front of him and waiting at their promised place. “You’re… Real?”

Levi frowned. Erwin has always been a weird fellow. “Of course I’m real.”

“Sorry, I just thought I wouldn’t see you again.”

“...Yeah, me neither,” Levi paused. “But didn’t you come here because you’re half-expecting to see me again?”

Erwin let out a chuckle as he sat on the bench beside the man. “I could never hide anything from you.” Levi glanced at him for a moment. He did know Erwin, better than anyone perhaps, but the actual reason was that he was also expecting to see Erwin himself. Though only a part of him wished so, the other part of him told him he should give up and forget. Ultimately, both men chose the selfish parts of them, seeking the faint hope from the promise they carved many decades ago.

Now they are both sat in silence, watching as the pale pink petals were swayed by the breeze, and the sky slowly melted into a darker grey. 

“Say,” Levi broke the silence. “If I decide to leave you today, would we age and die alone in this lifetime?”

“Perhaps.”

“Then, what do you think will happen if I decide to stay with you?”

Erwin glanced at Levi who didn’t meet his eyes. Pondering for a brief time, he uttered, “I imagine we’ll live through the hell of being haunted by our past lives once more,” He paused, before adding, “...Together.”

“Tch,” Levi clicked his tongue. “Both are bad enough to make me puke.”

Erwin chuckled. “I agree. But I think having someone to go through hell together doesn’t sound so bad. At least we got each other.”

“You’re so twisted.”

“Levi.”

Levi lifted his head and locked his eyes with Erwin’s when the other called him in a sudden firm tone. Erwin had a mirthless smile on him that Levi never wanted to see. It reminded him of that day, the last day Erwin could smile as he cast a resigned look on his face, before he marched towards his own demise. 

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For leaving first,” Erwin squeezed Levi’s hands, unable to resist the urge to do so. Levi didn’t pull his hand back. “For letting you go through the rest of that hell alone.”

Levi bit his lower lips, preventing himself from saying any words because he knew his voice would shake if he did. 

“I can’t promise you that I won’t die first in this lifetime, nor can I promise you happiness, but…” He brought Levi’s hands to his lips, as if sealing an unsaid oath. “Levi, won’t you follow me once again?” _  
_

Levi had his eyes widened, he could feel the tears starting to swell up and threaten to fall. A part of him was expecting those words, hoping Erwin would pull him out of his own doubt and reached for his hands once more. Yet still, he was afraid, _so_ afraid to let himself fall for the man again. He learned that loving him was as painful as losing him, and he felt like he would break should he lose him again this time. For humanities, he learned, are so fragile, even when they were not threatened by Titans. Accidents, diseases, homicides, they took dozens of lives away as we speak. 

But Erwin is there, alive and breathing, having both of his limbs intact and he longed for Levi as much as he did for Erwin. If they are living on a borrowed time no matter what world they are in, then Levi would hold this man a little longer, as long as they are allowed to. 

“...You bastard,” he mumbled, taking Erwin’s attention as he searched for Levi’s eyes, where a single tear had streamed down his cheeks. “You can’t even promise me anything and you want me to follow you again?”

“I guess it’s kind of a gamble,” Erwin bitterly smiled, slowly letting go of Levi’s hands. From the frown Levi had and that hostile glare, he knew Levi would push him away and he wouldn’t blame him. Though he changed his mind, when Levi grabbed his hands instead before he could fully let go, and pulled him in for a kiss. Erwin froze, as Levi pressed his lips rather roughly, before pulling away.

“Then, consider you won the gamble. Like you always did.”

The way Erwin’s face bloomed into a smile had Levi blushing, he reminded him of a boy despite his big build. Erwin shoved his face on Levi’s shoulder as he wrapped him in a hug, one that was so tight that Levi had difficulties moving his arms to hug him back. 

“I won’t forgive you if you die on me again.”

“Okay.”

“And if you die I won’t forgive you if you forget me in the next life, too.”

“Okay.”

“You’re stuck with me until you’re old and wrinkled.”

“Okay.”

“And let me do the cleaning because you’re suck at it.”

Erwin broke the hug and replaced it with a deep kiss instead, cupping Levi’s face on his palms. He didn’t break the kiss until Levi let out a hum and they were both out of breath. 

“Okay,” he grinned.

And Levi smiled, thinking how silly he looked. 

The pink petals above them swayed by the night breeze and the two smiled, with only the pale moon as their witness in the middle of the night. That year will be the last year when they sought for Sakura blossoms alone, no longer shall they wait under the transient beauty. For they came again in the year after, at the place where Sakura bloomed the earliest, now together, hand in hand. And it shall be so for many years to come, keeping their promise alive even after decades past.

_-Fin-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello...! Thank you for reading!  
> This is my final work for the 4 Seasons series, yayyyy.  
> This is also my first time writing Eruri fic! If you have been following me for awhile then maybe you know that I'm a BTS fanfic writer. But recently I'm just sooooo into AoT (specifically Eruri. No perhaps, just Eruri, but anyways) that I just have.to.write.this. Otherwise my Eruri heart can't heal... So excited for the final season!
> 
> There are parts that I feel like lacking, I wanted to make it melancholy, because this was inspired by twoframe's doujin after all. But I think I couldn't express it well at some parts. Welp anywho, thank you for reading until here, I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Be friends with meee [@annevis_writes](https://twitter.com/annevis_writes)


End file.
